Unfortunately, I have had to do some of that in the past few days. No break-ups or broken relationships of any kind, I am just as happy with my fiancé and my family as I was before. But I am realizing that it really isn't necessary to live in the past my whole life. I guess for whatever reason I have taken the easy way out in a lot of things.
I have not pursued a full-time job for various reasons, but one of the reasons came to light the other day that was very insightful. I frequently do not tell people about my disability when I work because I am afraid it will affect my potential employment. Most of the time they will not directly tell you that the disability is the reason they are not hiring you, they just say they are "pursuing other candidates for the position," but if you have brought it up then you pretty much know it's the reason. So, I just keep it under wraps in the interest of trying to keep the playing field even and increasing my chances of getting the job.
But having Asperger's in a customer service job has it's own unique conundrums. I have difficulty following directions unless I have a system in place. It is easier for me to follow written directions than it is to follow verbal directions since I have processing issues. My social issues have kept me from a lot of things but I am not a chatterbox unless I know the person very well. I am not the kind of person that people are immediately drawn to. So my sales go down. And because of my processing issues and just being a nervous wreck, I can't count change fast or process an order fast. I am just slower than most and kind of awkward.
In my last job, this was a huge issue. My bosses terrorized me, and so did my co-workers. My co-workers were rude to me and I heard them call me slow, stupid, and possibly the r-word behind my back. Even I could tell they felt that way about me, and it was devastating. Especially when I got home and my parents assumed it must be my fault and told me X Y Z thing I needed to fix to keep my job. I had intense headaches and digestive issues, as I often do when I'm stressed about something. One day I went outside to take out the garbage and the bag slipped, spilling disgusting spent coffee all over me and the front porch. My boss came outside and started screaming at me. At that point, I lost it. I started crying, got in my car, and drove off. I never came back and they didn't miss me. (At least they did send me my last paycheck and my W-2! ;-) )
Anyway, that was the reason I have not pursued a job. I have been scared of that happening again.
I don't tell you this to make you feel sorry for me. :-) Don't pity me for being the poor Aspie kid, lol. I have a very unique perspective and remain unusually optimistic despite every setback. I have never really given up, and I will doggedly pursue different avenues that will work.
I am not good at customer service at all but I am very good at behind the scenes jobs that require a lot of analytical thinking. I was a very successful technical writer and received gratuitous praise from the head of writing at FedEx. I am very good at data entry and catalogued around 1600 entries in six months at one of my jobs. And most of it was right, lol! I also worked with my dad doing his medical data entry and had a great time working there. So I'm not completely lacking in skills. I just need to find a job that works for me. :-)
I received a request for an interview at a hospital here in Missouri. It is a volunteer position, but it will give me some experience and help me learn some social and data entry skills in a friendlier environment. :-) I also found out the community college at which I started my RHIT certification is now accredited. Woohoo! So I will be going back next semester, as well as volunteering and looking for work. But no more customer service jobs for me. :-)
Thanks you guys for giving me an outlet to talk about my issues. I have always said that blogging is cheaper than therapy, and this is true. Have a great day all.
With Gratitude,
Shelly