Do you ever struggle with your identity? Maybe it's just one of those weird Aspie traits, but sometimes I do.
It's not so much that I don't know who I am; I know what I like to do, what I look like, and what I enjoy. I have experienced rapid weight loss, almost 45 pounds in five months, and I am finding that my identity is changing. I am starting to explore new parts of my personality that were hidden for awhile.
It reminds me of the somewhat contrived scenes in The Biggest Loser or Extreme Weight Loss where the trainer pushes the contestant to the breaking point and they hit a wall, so to speak. Jillian, Bob, or Dolvett (or Chris Powell if you like him) finally gets to the bottom of the issue, and the whole story comes gushing out, usually some traumatic event like abuse or neglect of some kind comes to the surface, there's a lot of crying and hugging, and they continue on with the work out as though this sort of thing is completely normal.
I do not have a long history of abuse or neglect. Most of the traumatic events that have happened to me have been singular events, and not a long perpetuation of abuse. The source of my trauma comes from a new perspective, thinking of a singular event from a perspective that reshapes everything.
Which brings me to the event I mention. I don't mean to say that the weight loss was all good or all bad, I was unhealthy and needed to lose the weight, and I am quite satisfied with it. But it is just weird to look in the mirror and see skinny Shelly, and to realize that my life had been one big mess before I finally decided to do something about it.
I realize that I am a different person, and that the less overweight, more energetic version of me is different then the fatigued, fat me. That's not to say I don't occasionally struggle, I still do from time to time. Here's my point though... is the former fatty me, or is the skinny me me? Are they both me? I am not sure.
I think seriously that I am just me. My body is not me, my clothes are not me, what I do is not me. I am a conscious, existing being that just happens to be occupying this body until the lease runs out and I occupy my new dwelling. And I think I like that.
As you can tell, I do have these deep thoughts from time to time and I have no problem sharing them. I am always glad that you all read them, and have great comments. Merci beaucoup.
I am going to go start my day now. Namaste, be blessed and enjoy the journey.
It reminds me of the somewhat contrived scenes in The Biggest Loser or Extreme Weight Loss where the trainer pushes the contestant to the breaking point and they hit a wall, so to speak. Jillian, Bob, or Dolvett (or Chris Powell if you like him) finally gets to the bottom of the issue, and the whole story comes gushing out, usually some traumatic event like abuse or neglect of some kind comes to the surface, there's a lot of crying and hugging, and they continue on with the work out as though this sort of thing is completely normal.
I do not have a long history of abuse or neglect. Most of the traumatic events that have happened to me have been singular events, and not a long perpetuation of abuse. The source of my trauma comes from a new perspective, thinking of a singular event from a perspective that reshapes everything.
Which brings me to the event I mention. I don't mean to say that the weight loss was all good or all bad, I was unhealthy and needed to lose the weight, and I am quite satisfied with it. But it is just weird to look in the mirror and see skinny Shelly, and to realize that my life had been one big mess before I finally decided to do something about it.
I realize that I am a different person, and that the less overweight, more energetic version of me is different then the fatigued, fat me. That's not to say I don't occasionally struggle, I still do from time to time. Here's my point though... is the former fatty me, or is the skinny me me? Are they both me? I am not sure.
I think seriously that I am just me. My body is not me, my clothes are not me, what I do is not me. I am a conscious, existing being that just happens to be occupying this body until the lease runs out and I occupy my new dwelling. And I think I like that.
As you can tell, I do have these deep thoughts from time to time and I have no problem sharing them. I am always glad that you all read them, and have great comments. Merci beaucoup.
I am going to go start my day now. Namaste, be blessed and enjoy the journey.