I started off the other day with a bang, a sense of encouragement about the future. Now, I'm dealing with putting that plan into action, which presents a whole new set of challenges.
I have never been good at following through with a plan. I get all hyped up about this plan that I'm getting started on, and then I quickly get nervous. As soon as it becomes tedious, my mind goes crazy trying to come up with anything to deflect me from that path.
I can also be double-minded, and feel like I'm always wavering back and forth between opinions. Consistency has always been a huge problem for me, it was one of the things my parents had some issues with and passed on to me.
Since my parents were such a big part of my life for so long, I have inherited a lot of their good and bad traits. I inherited my mom's compassionate and encouraging heart. I inherited my dad's bluntness, sense of humor, and intelligence. My parents are great people, but they can also be quick to promise and slow to deliver, impulsive and not very financially savvy. I don't mean to say bad things about them, I'm just saying that to say I have inherited both positive and negative traits from them, and those are some examples.
One thing that is especially prominent in both my parents and myself is constantly changing my mind, and it can get frustrating. Joyce Meyer wrote in Beauty for Ashes about a person she witnessed to while in a prayer line. She wrote that a woman came to her and was in tears, for a similar issue as mine, I don't remember specifics. Joyce says she got a vision of someone competing in a race, getting halfway to the finish line, freaking out, and going back to where she started. She repeated this cycle endlessly, until she exhausted and frustrated herself.
And that's where I end up, frustrated and ready to change. Surprisingly though, I expect and welcome it. God is not a stagnant God, he gave me victory in my intense fear of churches and now I go to a vibrant, alive church where I literally am excited all Saturday afternoon and Sunday morning, and by Sunday afternoon can't wait for next Sunday. He has given me a real hunger for the Word and a deeply personal relationship that I can't get enough of. My faith in God is not at issue. I will not abandon my God and I will praise Him all the time. And I know a loving God will constantly be working on me, allowing me to grow in areas that I lack. I have read that God presents us doorways that we go through, doorways of painful issues. He will present you with a door to go through, and it is always painful to go through. And on the other side is victory. But that's not to say that it is a quick enter and exit. It can take years, heck, it took me many years before I would even go into a church. The first time I set foot in one in 2003, I had a panic attack and had to leave early. But now I love it! And look forward to it! :-) It took me eleven years but I did it!! So I am not frightened to know consistency is next on the agenda. This is something I would love to learn, and I know God is a good teacher. :-)
I am glad I have been able to write this post, because it encouraged me as I wrote it. :-) I hope you can read in it and be encouraged too. :-) That's all for now, have a fantastic day and be blessed.
I can also be double-minded, and feel like I'm always wavering back and forth between opinions. Consistency has always been a huge problem for me, it was one of the things my parents had some issues with and passed on to me.
Since my parents were such a big part of my life for so long, I have inherited a lot of their good and bad traits. I inherited my mom's compassionate and encouraging heart. I inherited my dad's bluntness, sense of humor, and intelligence. My parents are great people, but they can also be quick to promise and slow to deliver, impulsive and not very financially savvy. I don't mean to say bad things about them, I'm just saying that to say I have inherited both positive and negative traits from them, and those are some examples.
One thing that is especially prominent in both my parents and myself is constantly changing my mind, and it can get frustrating. Joyce Meyer wrote in Beauty for Ashes about a person she witnessed to while in a prayer line. She wrote that a woman came to her and was in tears, for a similar issue as mine, I don't remember specifics. Joyce says she got a vision of someone competing in a race, getting halfway to the finish line, freaking out, and going back to where she started. She repeated this cycle endlessly, until she exhausted and frustrated herself.
And that's where I end up, frustrated and ready to change. Surprisingly though, I expect and welcome it. God is not a stagnant God, he gave me victory in my intense fear of churches and now I go to a vibrant, alive church where I literally am excited all Saturday afternoon and Sunday morning, and by Sunday afternoon can't wait for next Sunday. He has given me a real hunger for the Word and a deeply personal relationship that I can't get enough of. My faith in God is not at issue. I will not abandon my God and I will praise Him all the time. And I know a loving God will constantly be working on me, allowing me to grow in areas that I lack. I have read that God presents us doorways that we go through, doorways of painful issues. He will present you with a door to go through, and it is always painful to go through. And on the other side is victory. But that's not to say that it is a quick enter and exit. It can take years, heck, it took me many years before I would even go into a church. The first time I set foot in one in 2003, I had a panic attack and had to leave early. But now I love it! And look forward to it! :-) It took me eleven years but I did it!! So I am not frightened to know consistency is next on the agenda. This is something I would love to learn, and I know God is a good teacher. :-)
I am glad I have been able to write this post, because it encouraged me as I wrote it. :-) I hope you can read in it and be encouraged too. :-) That's all for now, have a fantastic day and be blessed.