I never was really good at change. The only thing I was really good at changing was my mind. Often, and usually to everyone's chagrin. But I sense a paradigm shift in my thinking that I just had to share.
It wasn't really a snap-of-the-fingers, instantaneous change. I have been watching Joyce Meyer over several days, keeping up with old episodes and watching new ones. I am not sure what was different this time, but I just felt things start to stir up in me. The series was "Beauty for Ashes," Joyce Meyer's series on receiving emotional healing after abuse. My "abuse" cycle was some brief instances in childhood plus lots and lots of bullying in school. I understand why people are so adamant to stop bullying nowadays, it can be traumatizing for kids, especially to the extent I received it. But anyway, not the point here. :-) Joyce Meyer mentioned that God actually WANTS to have a relationship with me (or anyone else in general) that he needs and craves that relationship. :-)
I think that was what hit me the hardest. Someone actually cares enough about me that he actually craves a relationship with me. That he created me because it pleased him to do so. As a writer, I draw a lot of parallels between my relationship with God and the relationship I have to my characters in my novellas. I created Alek, Koera, and the rest of them because I wanted to, because it gave me pleasure. I orchestrate the characters moves, but sometimes the character ends up writing itself, presenting a sort of free will. I generally am not phased by this, but plan the rest of the story around the change in scenery, and it usually ends up even better than I expected. After a lengthy period of character development, I get to where I get excited to return to my writing every day, I crave that time with my characters because it gives me pleasure. If that is the case with something I have created, how could it not be tenfold with God?
I am not saying I have a God complex when I write. I do it because I enjoy it. :-) But the point I'm trying to make is, it caused such a paradigm shift in my thinking. I finally received God's love, after many years of trying to work for it. :-)
Receiving God's love is something of a miraculous circumstance for me. I have always tried so hard to be a "good" Christian, going through all the motions that I thought I was supposed to do, but getting absolutely no fulfillment at all. I thought it was something broken within me, that I was simply unable to become as gung-ho with my faith as someone who had a stronger faith. Turns out I had it, I was just working too hard for something I already had.
So, Shelly, you might ask, how does this relate to diet and exercise?? You're supposed to be motivating!! Maybe, but give me a second and I'll get to it. :-) My dieting and exercise have pretty much been non-existent over the past few days. I have been eating whatever I want, but with a guilty conscience. I don't like having a guilty conscience. I am an animal lover through and through, and it breaks what's left of my heart to see animals suffer. I saw something on Mercy for Animals website that said the things we take away from animals to fulfill our own needs. We take away their dignity, their children, their lives in the long run. It doesn't really benefit us either, we get a good meal but suffer an increased risk of heart disease, stroke, and cancer. Plus the animal didn't give its life willingly. There was a lot of pain and suffering involved. And I don't want to be a part of that.
I have realized that being a vegan is something I am called to do. It gets hard and it sucks sometimes when everyone has something negative to say about it. Plus, being a vegan has stalled out my weight before since I was unwilling to cook very much. But at this point, I would love to lose weight, but I have to do what is right for myself and the animals. I don't want to get to heaven and God ask me, "You were called to be a vegan, why didn't you do it?" That would be completely horrible for me. So, I will pour myself heart and soul into what I believe to be right. :-)
Whew, that was a lengthy post. I hope it helped you. :-) If not, it helped me. Have a wonderful night and be blessed.
I think that was what hit me the hardest. Someone actually cares enough about me that he actually craves a relationship with me. That he created me because it pleased him to do so. As a writer, I draw a lot of parallels between my relationship with God and the relationship I have to my characters in my novellas. I created Alek, Koera, and the rest of them because I wanted to, because it gave me pleasure. I orchestrate the characters moves, but sometimes the character ends up writing itself, presenting a sort of free will. I generally am not phased by this, but plan the rest of the story around the change in scenery, and it usually ends up even better than I expected. After a lengthy period of character development, I get to where I get excited to return to my writing every day, I crave that time with my characters because it gives me pleasure. If that is the case with something I have created, how could it not be tenfold with God?
I am not saying I have a God complex when I write. I do it because I enjoy it. :-) But the point I'm trying to make is, it caused such a paradigm shift in my thinking. I finally received God's love, after many years of trying to work for it. :-)
Receiving God's love is something of a miraculous circumstance for me. I have always tried so hard to be a "good" Christian, going through all the motions that I thought I was supposed to do, but getting absolutely no fulfillment at all. I thought it was something broken within me, that I was simply unable to become as gung-ho with my faith as someone who had a stronger faith. Turns out I had it, I was just working too hard for something I already had.
So, Shelly, you might ask, how does this relate to diet and exercise?? You're supposed to be motivating!! Maybe, but give me a second and I'll get to it. :-) My dieting and exercise have pretty much been non-existent over the past few days. I have been eating whatever I want, but with a guilty conscience. I don't like having a guilty conscience. I am an animal lover through and through, and it breaks what's left of my heart to see animals suffer. I saw something on Mercy for Animals website that said the things we take away from animals to fulfill our own needs. We take away their dignity, their children, their lives in the long run. It doesn't really benefit us either, we get a good meal but suffer an increased risk of heart disease, stroke, and cancer. Plus the animal didn't give its life willingly. There was a lot of pain and suffering involved. And I don't want to be a part of that.
I have realized that being a vegan is something I am called to do. It gets hard and it sucks sometimes when everyone has something negative to say about it. Plus, being a vegan has stalled out my weight before since I was unwilling to cook very much. But at this point, I would love to lose weight, but I have to do what is right for myself and the animals. I don't want to get to heaven and God ask me, "You were called to be a vegan, why didn't you do it?" That would be completely horrible for me. So, I will pour myself heart and soul into what I believe to be right. :-)
Whew, that was a lengthy post. I hope it helped you. :-) If not, it helped me. Have a wonderful night and be blessed.